The Virginity Project: Your Virginity Loss in Paragraphs

Published on The Daily Femme – Thursday, Jan. 6, 2011

Contributed by Annamarya

While on my travels through the Internet, I stumbled across an interesting, eyebrow raising article posted Monday on Huffington Post about a devastating virginity loss experience. It was written by Kate Munro, founder of The Virginity Project, which is dedicated to collecting the stories of virginity loss of British men and women. The latest story comes from Naomi, who lost her virginity to a French man at a hostel while on her backpacking trip with her friend. I wouldn’t do justice summing it up, so here is Naomi’s piece in her own words (as posted by Munro):

My best friend and I were the funny, likable, frumpy girls in high school. Popular but not sexy like the dancers, we made friends of boys rather than lovers. We lived in a small town about an hour away from the city. When we were 16, we jumped on the bus one Monday night and headed to the city. We had to do something for ourselves.

It turned into a sad night. I think we thought it would be exciting and full of passionate embraces but by the time we found ourselves out the front of a hostel in the dawn, my friend drugged by the man she just shared a bunk with, and me with the taste of someone foreign and ugly in my mouth, it lost its charm. He was French, looked ok on the dance-floor of a back-packers pub. He did me briefly in the bathtub.

There was a moment on that curb when the morning birds were waking, when I noticed I was bleeding slightly, that it was the first time. My friend held me tenderly in her groggy arms and the ride home was strange and silent. We are still close to this day. And I still haven’t had a proper first time yet.

The purpose of the project, according to Munro, is to find out, without judgment, the truth in virginity loss and how people have grown since their “first time.” But, as one commenter on the HuffPo article puts it, these types of stories – the random, unremarkable yet potentially devastating experiences – show us more than the different ways people have lost “it”. They show us how important comprehensive sex education is needed. So often youth are told their first time is going to be fantastically romantic and groundbreaking (especially when you’re with the “right one” – you know, the husband or wife of abstinence education) when, as The Virginity Project proves, it often is not, leaving them disappointed or, worse, depressed. The fact is, most of us have gone in blind when having sex for the first time, more focused on getting rid of our virginity than on the experience itself, and a lot of this is due to the lack of proper sex education. Imagine if youth were educated honestly about  sex, sexuality, what to expect, how to remain safe, and the emotions that come along with experiencing their first time, how different these stories would be.


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2 thoughts on “The Virginity Project: Your Virginity Loss in Paragraphs

  1. There’s simply too much pressure to “get rid of it”. I blame feminists entirely for that. The “the first time is never perfect”quote which seems so popular today is very much part of an arsenal of feminist discourses to trivialise virginity and ‘denormalise’ the high expectations girls have about the rupture of their hymens. If sexual partners were adequately chosen this would never be happening. Females in the west simply do not know what it means to be woman anymore and are made to think like men under the “equality paradigm”, they no longer know how to choose responsible men to have sex with; They give themselves away cheaply but are politically corrected to think “you don’t just give sex away, you RECEIVE sex as much EQUALLY too”- clearly a male way of thinking inculcated by feminists and clearly leaving a lot of young females disappointed in life every year. Instead the situation is such that when women are most sexually fertile and physically appealing they are expected to infest their bodies with hormone and to choose immature and irresponsible boys without any social positions to engage in “recreational sex” in order to start their sexual lives, boys that are incapable of making any commitment and couldn’t care less about them. After that a deflowered woman will be expected to be “sexually productive” in a capitalist society – meaning she’ll be expected to have sex with every further “boyfriend” until about 30+. In her quest for liberation and equality motherhood and even menstruation are seen as antithetic to her “productivity” or liberty as feminists call it. In all she would probably be expected to cease ovulating for a massive period of 15-20 yrs! Tell a man to stop producing sperms for just one day and see whether you’ll get anywhere! During that period she’ll be expected to dress and act like a … well you just watch the “slutwalk” and you’ll get an idea what is normal and what isn’t. So much for equality! When fecundity starts to drop, and when the ocean of males start to dwindle, in some cases (e.g. without plastic surgery and other cosmetic) reduced to a small pond; at this point it is finally deemed ‘acceptable’ for a woman to revert back into her biological “womanhood” e.g. trying to secure hytpothetical Mr.Right’s commitment, a fairy-tale wedding, and to start ovulating again in vue of rushing to start childbearing. Of course by then men have simply given up completely on the idea of commitments and will have to be tricked by all necessary means whether they are caught online or offline!

  2. I am going to have to disagree. I think there are plenty of ways to learn about this experience–the Internet. Is it ideal, no, but no sex-ed teacher will speak to students this frankly. If teachers did, they could get into serious trouble. I agree with teaching kids how to protect themselves against diseases and unwanted pregnancies, but they rest–they will have to find out on their own. Talking to more experienced friends may not help as they may lie. Sometimes people do it to get it over with as they may not think they will ever find “the right one.” Unless someone was coerced or forced, I say people ought to stop whining and move on–it may sound harsh, but it is very rare that anyone’s first sexual partner becomes a life partner. I mean, I get the negative feelings, but I am just trying to say I don’t think people should dwell on it.

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