Published on The Daily Femme – Thursday, Jan. 6, 2011
Contributed by Annamarya
While on my travels through the Internet, I stumbled across an interesting, eyebrow raising article posted Monday on Huffington Post about a devastating virginity loss experience. It was written by Kate Munro, founder of The Virginity Project, which is dedicated to collecting the stories of virginity loss of British men and women. The latest story comes from Naomi, who lost her virginity to a French man at a hostel while on her backpacking trip with her friend. I wouldn’t do justice summing it up, so here is Naomi’s piece in her own words (as posted by Munro):
My best friend and I were the funny, likable, frumpy girls in high school. Popular but not sexy like the dancers, we made friends of boys rather than lovers. We lived in a small town about an hour away from the city. When we were 16, we jumped on the bus one Monday night and headed to the city. We had to do something for ourselves.
It turned into a sad night. I think we thought it would be exciting and full of passionate embraces but by the time we found ourselves out the front of a hostel in the dawn, my friend drugged by the man she just shared a bunk with, and me with the taste of someone foreign and ugly in my mouth, it lost its charm. He was French, looked ok on the dance-floor of a back-packers pub. He did me briefly in the bathtub.
There was a moment on that curb when the morning birds were waking, when I noticed I was bleeding slightly, that it was the first time. My friend held me tenderly in her groggy arms and the ride home was strange and silent. We are still close to this day. And I still haven’t had a proper first time yet.
The purpose of the project, according to Munro, is to find out, without judgment, the truth in virginity loss and how people have grown since their “first time.” But, as one commenter on the HuffPo article puts it, these types of stories – the random, unremarkable yet potentially devastating experiences – show us more than the different ways people have lost “it”. They show us how important comprehensive sex education is needed. So often youth are told their first time is going to be fantastically romantic and groundbreaking (especially when you’re with the “right one” – you know, the husband or wife of abstinence education) when, as The Virginity Project proves, it often is not, leaving them disappointed or, worse, depressed. The fact is, most of us have gone in blind when having sex for the first time, more focused on getting rid of our virginity than on the experience itself, and a lot of this is due to the lack of proper sex education. Imagine if youth were educated honestly about sex, sexuality, what to expect, how to remain safe, and the emotions that come along with experiencing their first time, how different these stories would be.